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Subject: ~~ Jokes/SMS/Quotes ~~
Replies: 294 Views: 8879
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:34pm
Q. What has seventy-five ba11s and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo! *
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:34pm
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs,b**job?
A: The b**job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a b**job.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:35pm
Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:36pm
Superman is bored fighting crime everyday. So one Friday night he decides to go out in the town to have some fun. He drops by Batman's house.
Hey Batman, he says Wanna' go out tonight?
No I can't, replies Batman. The Batmobile is broken and I gotta' stay home and fix it, or else I won't be able to fight crime.
You loser, says Superman and flies away. He decides to stop by Spiderman's house. Hey, Spidy, how about hitting the town tonight, you and me, he says.
I'd love to, but I can't, replies Spiderman. My web is broken and I gotta' fix it to fight crime.
Superman, all disgusted says You loser. Stay home on a Friday night and fix your d*mn web.
So he flies away. While flying from up above he spots Wonder Woman stark naked and lying down on her back spread-eagle. Superman thinks, Hey, I am Superman, I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quicky and fly back out and she won't even feel it.
Superman flies down, does a quick in-out-in-out and flies back out at the speed of light.
Wonder Woman says, What the hell was that? The Invisible man says, I don't know but my a** is killing me!
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:37pm
. What did one gay sperm say to another?
A. How do we find an egg in all of this s**t? *
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:37pm
Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it but can't eat it.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:41pm
Q. What's the difference between oral s*x and a**l s*x?
A. Oral s*x makes your day, a**l s&x makes your hole weak.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:41pm
Q. What's the difference between oral s*x and a**l s*x?
A. Oral s*x makes your day, a**l s&x makes your hole weak.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:41pm
Q. Why doesn't Barbie have babies?
A. Ken comes in a different box!
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:42pm
man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a
nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies
he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures
the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie
Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son
this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures
the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day,
granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son
this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the
son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day,
the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives
very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he
is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will
somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and
hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. Good
God, Dear, he proclaims, I've just had the worst day of my entire life! She
responds, You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the
doorstep this morning.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:43pm
A woman wanted to suprise her husband so she bought a pair of crotchless panties. When her husband got home from work, he found his wife spread eagle on the floor with the panties on. You want some of this? she asked.
The husband replied Hell no! Look what it did to your underwear! *
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:45pm
Q: How do you make your wife scream after an ?
A: Wipe your d*k on the curtains.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:46pm
Q: Why does Helen Keller need two hands to m*****te?
A: One to do the work and the other to moan with.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:48pm
An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either
Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the
next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the
manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break.
Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager
decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor
Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk.
Then the manager thought he'd wait and see who would leave work the earliest,
and both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the
manager went up to her and said, Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know
whether to lay you or .
Jill said, Well, you'd better , because I'm late for my bus.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:49pm
Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. *
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:49pm
Q. What's the definition of Trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a .
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:50pm
A mother, daughter and grandmother -- lived together.
One night the daughter came home looking very down. How did you do
tonight, dear? asked her mother. Not too good. I got only 20 dollars for a
. Wow! said the mother. In my day we gave a for 5
dollars. Good God! said Grandma. In my day we were just happy to get
something warm in our stomachs!
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:51pm
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone
handwritten the word ' ' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned
the class looking for the guilty face.
Finding none, she quickly erased it,and began her class.The next day she went
into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word ' ' again on the
black board.
Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she
proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous
day's word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on
the board, but instead, found the words,
The more you rub it, the bigger it gets! *
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:51pm
Q. What do a and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as substitute meat. *
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:52pm
Q. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A. Spitting, swa11owing and gargling.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 04:53pm
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow.
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 05:04pm
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he
has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same
performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The chemist thinks
this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once
more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
So did you follow him?
I did.
And...where did he go?
Over to your house... *
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 05:05pm
Bob lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every
morning to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new (drop dead
gorgeous) neighbor slinked out of her apartment towards him and as she
leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Bob could hardly beleive it,
she wasn't wearing a thing under her robe. The woman leaned closer to Bob
and said good morning. This time her robe opened up completely. She purred
to Bob that she hadn't had a man in years.
He could hardly keep eye contact when she said she heard someone coming and that they should go back to her
apartment. They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. What do you
think my best feature is? Bob stuttered and drueled a bit and finally said Your
ears.
What do you mean my ears, look at me. I have round perfect , a nice
tight a** and legs to die for what on earth made you say EARS!
Well, said Bob In the hall you said you heard someone coming, that was
me!
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 05:05pm
A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun. Open the ing safe! he yells at the woman behind the counter.
But we're not a real bank, she replies, we don't have any money, this is a sperm bank.
Don't ing argue, open the ing safe or I'll blow your head off! says the guy with the gun. She obliges and once she's opened the safe door the guy says, Take out one of the bottles and drink it.
But it's full of sperm!' she replies nervously.
Don't argue, just drink it' he says. She pries the cap off and gulps it down.
Take out another one and drink it, too! he demands. She takes out another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the woman's amazement it's her husband!
There! he says, it's not that ing difficult is it?!
*
jakassxx 29.10.10 - 05:06pm
A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist USD1,000 to put a USD100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a USD100 bill on his .
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the USD1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a USD100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow USD100, she can stay home to do it.
*
hotguy24 31.10.10 - 11:10am
Don't depress yourself in any moment of life..
Live it with a face full of smile..
Why waste time crying when you know you are here just for a while.. *
swtchoco 1.11.10 - 04:48am
Valuable TIME
&
Lovable PERSONs
are very precious in our Life..
Once we lost,
they never come back again,
so,
don't make even a trial to loose them.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:24pm
Best Lesson for Life..
Listen to everyone & learn from everyone..
cos,
Nobody knows EVERYTHING
but,
everyone knows SOMETHING.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:28pm
Reality:
Sometimes people are Nothing..
You make them Something..
&
When they become Something..
They feel that you are Nothing..
AM-I-RIGHT--?? *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:29pm
Sometime we maintain a silence to protect one Beautiful Relationship..
But,
Too much silence creates group of tears in all Beautiful Relationships..! *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:36pm
Sweet Words:
The Person who really LOVEs you does'nt go away from you..
They would be somewhere somehow living with you and thinking of you.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:37pm
A TRUE FACT:
NEVER ALLOW A GIRL TO TALK TOO MUCH TO YOU..!
OR ELSE LATER SHE WILL MAKE YOU TALK ALONE..! *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:40pm
A TRUE MESSAGE:
This World Knows to Hurt Others..
If we Feel Something Special for Someone the Only Gift we Get is Pain..
World is a Selfish Place..
True Feelings have no Value.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:44pm
Small, But a Meaningful Quote:
Many Times in Life Realisation Is Not Worth..
Because,
It Comes After We Loose Something..! *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:47pm
Why Boys & Girls Dont Understand Each Other ??
GOD: Bcos, I Gave Good Brain to Boys
&
Good Heart to Girls..
But,
Boys use Their Heart & Girls use Their Brains.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 03:55pm
What will a Guy sing after he gets proposal from a RICH GIRL..??
Think ?
Think ?
Think ?
Think ?
Very Simple
He will Sing:
If you come to me
Then
I WILL STOP WORKING & EARNING.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 04:02pm
If you salute your duty
you need not salute anybody..
But,
If you pollute your duty
you have to salute everybody..
Dr. Abdul Kalam
(Former Indian President) *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 04:09pm
Every Tear is a Sign of Commitment..
Every Silence is a Sign of Compromise..
Every Smile is a Sign of Attachment..
Every SMS is a Sign of Rememberance..! *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 04:11pm
A Relation is Not How Long We Been Together..
Note How Much We Give or Take..
Not How Many Times We Talk..
Its All About How We Value Each Other.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 04:15pm
A Pregnant Lady went to an Astrologer:
Astrologer - When you deliver a baby,
Baby's Father will die..
Lady - Thank God!
My Husband is Safe!!! *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 04:17pm
Boy - Hey.. is your name Google?
Girl - No..
Boy - But, you have all the things I am searching for...!!!:) *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 04:23pm
Certain People Touch your Heart & you cant stop thinking about them..
Thats the kind of Person you are..
Far yet so near..
Simple yet so precious..
Thats real Friendship.. *
hotguy24 7.11.10 - 04:25pm
A Song for all Married People:
Give me some sunshine..
Give me some rain..
Give me another chance..
I want to be Single once again..! *
hotguy24 9.11.10 - 03:04pm
A Leaf Which Falls From a Tree Goes Wherever Wind takes It..
Be The Wind to Drive Others,
Not The Leaf To Be Driven By Others.. *
hotguy24 9.11.10 - 03:08pm
My Lovely Messages
are
Not For Time Pass,
They
Silently Say That I'm Thinking of You Right Now & Also
Making You to Think of ME
For a MOMENT.. *
hotguy24 9.11.10 - 03:12pm
GOD has Four Gifts for YOU:-
A Key for every Problem..
A Light for every Shadow..
A Plan for every Tomorrow..
&
A Joy for every Sorrow..
Enjoy GOD's Gifts.. *
hotguy24 9.11.10 - 03:15pm
Yaadon k gehre zakhm ajeeb hote hai,.
Doston k saath bitaye hue lamhe aziz hote hai,.
Sada taaza rehti hai yaad unki
jo dost Dil k zyada karib hote hai.,. *
hotguy24 9.11.10 - 03:27pm
Friendship is not how long we have been together,
Not how much we take or give,
Not how much we talk or argue..
It is just HOW MUCH WE VALUE EACH OTHERFriendship is not how long we have been together,
Not how much we take or give,
Not how much we talk or argue..
It is just HOW MUCH WE VALUE EACH OTHER *
swtchoco 9.11.10 - 03:35pm
Punjabi Mother:
Doctor! Doctor!
Mera beta bike se gir gaya..
Dr. I don't know HIndi, speak in English..
Punjabi Mother: My Londa is gironda from Hero Honda.. *
swtchoco 9.11.10 - 03:42pm
Little Girl went to Shop - Jab me badi ho jaungi mujse shadi karoge ???
Shopkeeper Smiling - Ha kar lunga..
Little Girl - Toh apne hone wali wife ko 1 chocolate b nahi doge.,.! *
